


But With All My Education

by laforeze



Category: Re-Animator (Movies)
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, ex catholic herbert, they r both very stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28769340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laforeze/pseuds/laforeze
Summary: Herbert decides to ignore Dan to get rid of a crush, Dan's not happy about it.
Relationships: Daniel Cain/Herbert West
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	1. I Can't Seem to Commend it

Over the course of the past few months Herbert had felt a growing, aching feeling in the back of his mind. It was common for him to push away and store any unproductive or otherwise uncomfortable feelings or thoughts deep, deep down where they couldn’t bother him while he pursued his life’s work. Recently though it had seemed like they’d reached their boiling point. 

He preferred not to dwell on his apparent affection for his roommate and work partner. Nothing in that corner of his mind held the key to eternal life and thus it was useless. As useless as it was, it was starting to get to a point that was nearly incapacitating. 

Every stolen glance at Dan across their workstation sent a piercing feeling of dread straight through Herbert’s body and made his face feel hot. Herbert was a man of science, logic, and reason. He was well aware that being romantically or sexually interested in men was not a flaw or anything to be ashamed of. Many animals show signs of homosexuality in the wild, bats particularly. 

Despite his conscious reasoning, there was an unconscious tugging that was difficult to ignore. Having been brought up catholic, Herbert was told he was unnatural, that there was something terribly wrong that only prayer could save him from. Herbert knew he didn’t care for concepts like ‘natural’. If he did he wouldn’t be fighting so hard and so tirelessly against the most natural part of life; death. 

No, being strange or unnatural in the eyes of some pompous clergyman’s small-minded god meant nothing to him. What Herbert also knew was that when shame is so heavily drilled into a person’s mind at such a developmental age it’s no small task to rid oneself of it. He had never even so much as kissed another man in his nearly thirty years of life. He just told himself it was because he was too busy, no time for such frivolous things.

Over the past year or so getting closer to Dan he would reason to himself he was only doing this for the work. The long, late night chats about nothing in particular while cleaning up the basement, the fleeting touches on Dan’s arms and chest, were nothing more than getting the other man feel more comfortable around him. If Dan felt they were close he would be a more willing assistant. What he couldn’t reason with was how much he had genuinely enjoyed Dan’s company. Herbert liked it when Dan would meet his eyes for extended periods of time, he liked it when Dan would gently place a hand on his shoulder or back. He even liked it when Dan grabbed him in a moment of blind anger at something reckless Herbert had involved them in. 

Any amount of closeness with Dan made his heart rate increase and his mind feel fuzzy, followed soon after by a dull guilt. Not many things could make Herbert feel guilty, though the deep-instilled idea that he was some disgusting pervert for being attracted to his fellow man had made quite the impact. It almost felt like he was corrupting Dan by being in the same room with him. That thought made him scoff, there was nothing evil or corrupt about what they were doing. And certainly nothing wrong with keeping his less favorable thoughts to himself. 

Still, as the feelings lingered they posed a threat to his concentration. Facing his emotions headon was not something he was equipped for, and talking it out with Dan was completely out of the question. Until the problem subsided Herbert decided he was going cold turkey; he would limit his interactions with Dan down to the bare necessities only. Out of sight, out of mind. Once he was able to think normally again he’d slowly increase the amount of time spent with him back to the average amount. 

-

Dan had noticed the change in Herbert’s behavior immediately. He’d always been such a close, touchy person from very early on in their friendship (if he could call it that). Instead of the light touches he had become accustomed to he was met with a cold stare as Herbert told him he didn’t need any assistance that night and he could go to be if he wanted. It was unusual to say the least. 

At first he found himself almost missing Herbert; he wanted him to call him down to the basement to excitedly explain whatever minor revelation he had made that day while Dan was at the hospital. He never fully realized how much he enjoyed the smaller man’s company until he was completely shut off from it. 

As this went on for another week Dan had grown suspicious of Herbert’s motives for avoiding him. He wondered if he’d done anything to upset him. That didn’t seem the case, Herbert was no stranger to a good argument. They had always been so casual with each other and he knew, deep down, that Herbert liked having him around. He wouldn’t just stop talking to him, hell, he hardly looked at him all week. 

Dan couldn’t help his mind wandering to more sinister ideas. Could Herbert be trying to distance himself from Dan? If so, why? Was he going to get rid of him? Had he become useless? Obsolete? Now Herbert had to desensitize himself from Dan so he could kick him out or off him without any regrets? He had no shortage of fresh meat, it didn’t fully add up that Herbert would want or need to kill Dan. Unless it was to protect the knowledge of his work should Dan start spreading things around. The more he thought about it the more nauseous he felt.

Before he went to bed that night he decided he would confront Herbert about it first thing the next morning. They both had the day off; there would be no distractions.


	2. And All the Words Are Escaping Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan visits Herbert in the basement.

After a restless night’s sleep Dan awoke to a faint clattering sound coming from the basement. He sighed and rubbed his face, getting out of bed and putting on a robe. Now was as good a time as any, he supposed. He made his way to the basement and opened the door. He was half way down the creaky staircase when he heard Herbert struggle, he quickened his pace and crossed the room to where the noise was coming from. Herbert had a completely severed arm in his grasp, writhing and lurching, fingers gripped tightly around his throat. He saw Dan approaching and looked him in the face for the first time in days, his eyes wide and frantic. Without a second thought Dan closed the distance and pried the fingers off of Herbert’s throat with his own. He beat it against the brick wall several times before slamming it down on the work table. 

“No assistance needed, right?” Herbert broke out of the stare he had fixed on Dan and turned his head to instead focus on a small crack in the wall. “Thank you.. Mr. Cain.” He adjusted his tie and rubbed at his neck. “That will be all.” Dan stared at him with a furrowed brow. He couldn't remember a time Herbert had ever used his last name when they were alone. It made him feel strange. “..Dan.” Dan reminded him. No response. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “I came down here to talk.” Herbert began cleaning around the work station, still refusing to look back at Dan. “About?” He had an oddly stern, concentrated look on his face while he busied himself, uncomfortable under Dan’s gaze. 

“Well, you’ve been avoiding me for a week now,” He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. “I just wanted to know what was going on.” Herbert forced a chuckle. “Avoiding you?” He suddenly became very focused on wiping a specific small spot on the table. “I’ve been terribly busy, Dan, not everything is about you.” Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re a terrible liar, Herb.” Herbert’s wiping sped up, staying in the same area. “I am not lying.” Dan laughed and pushed back off the wall. “You are! You can’t even look at me!” Herbert winced and clenched the cloth he was using, holding it still. Dan’s voice softened. “Look, Herbert,” He slowly approached Herbert, trying to not frighten him or set him off as if he was a wild animal. He stopped a few feet away. “you know you can talk to me about stuff, right?” Herbert frowned and started folding the cloth he was holding to expose the clean side of the fabric. Dan continued. “I know we don’t really talk about anything.. personal.. but I do consider you a friend and I want you to know that I’m here if you need anything. Corpse related or otherwise.” To tell the truth Dan wasn’t entirely sure why he was being so sincere, just the other day he was half convinced Herbert was going to kill him in his sleep. 

“And if you want me out you just have to tell me, because honestly I have no idea what you’re pulling with this.” Herbert looked up at him, a strange expression on his face. “I don’t want you to leave.” Dan breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, I guess you wouldn’t have let me off so easy, huh?” He nodded slowly and gently placed a hand on Hebert’s back between his shoulder blades. Herbert shivered. “So what is it then? What are you not telling me?” It was weird to see him act so reserved. Herbert opened his mouth to speak and closed it again. He thought for a moment as Dan absentmindedly rubbed small circles into his back. 

It was all too much, with his mind being pulled in different directions and Dan right there in front of him. The dread crept up his back and his face slowly turned pink. “Dan, I..” He felt like his brain was going to explode. He spoke quietly. “I am in love with you.” Dan stared back down at him, perplexed. He mentally kicked himself for not figuring it out himself; Herbert never showed any interest in women, he hardly ever spoke to anyone else. The thought that he could mean that much to Herbert made him feel a familiar rush of excitement. It was Dan’s turn to look away, his hand dropped from Herbert’s back. Herbert’s heart sank as he started to speak. “It’s alright if you-” Dan cut him off mid sentence. “It’s okay, Herb.” He turned back to face him and placed a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder. He brought up his other hand and cupped Herbert’s jaw, slightly tilting his face up. In a split moment’s decision, Dan leaned down and kissed him. 

Herbert tensed though quickly relaxed into him and brought his hands up to rest on Dan’s sides. Dan pulled back and looked down at his partner’s starstruck expression. “I.. I didn’t consider you could have felt the same.” Dan smiled softly and traced Herbert’s cheekbone with his thumb. “Neither did I, not at first.” Herbert wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist and pulled him in for a hug. Dan brought his arms around him and held him close. Herbert let out a heavy sigh into Dan’s chest and squeezed. For the first time, without ignoring his feelings, Herbert felt significantly less filthy.

**Author's Note:**

> title from all this and heaven too by florence + the machine.......... anyways hope u like my 2nd fic!! 
> 
> also sorry if the spacing is weird?? i type all my stuff out in docs im not used to this format ahaha
> 
> edit (extra note): i wrote this as a big projection vent fic so i feel like the characterization might not b as solid as my last one, but it was therapeutic to whatever. i also wont b rereading or editing it at all for that reason. i hope u like it anyway :3c


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